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Eilla
23 June 2010 @ 03:28 pm
Hey everyone, if anyone still reads this thing, I have just created a Twitter page for myself. Follow me at http://twitter.com/theTsaritsa

Also, please check out my other blog at http://hegemonster.blogspot.com/
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Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
 
 
Eilla
02 April 2009 @ 05:48 pm
sleeping in
someone else's history
pain pills in the medicine chest
inscribed with her name, faded letters
a pain in the stomach I've lived with for years

the taste of bile, i shudder
reach for antacid
take a spot in the queue

but to be the only--
cloaked in breaths
tumbleweeds of old photographs shake past
tear my stockings

smiling, reminding that I've always been second-hand
with smeared lip paint and sweaty wig hair

not fit for insurance
and maybe he has buyer's regret
it can't be worse than it was
undeveloped, reaching,
greasy fingernails
to sort through piles of detritus
tilling a dead lot

but her ghost follows, whispers
against my neck
You're one of many.
resisting-- collecting cobwebs
archiving the foul tastes
 
 
Eilla
18 December 2006 @ 11:09 am
Things that I hate/love/am guilty of myself.
Here is a list of things that I think about that either bug me or enthuse me or both or worse.

People who are flaky. You know the type. They'll make plans with you and then drop them at the last minute. Or not even notify you if they aren't going to show up. Flaky people bug the shit out of me, but I also realize that I am not immune to flakiness. In fact, I am worse than the apple pies at McDonald's. I don't want to be flaky but I think it's just a symptom of our time. Everybody is pretty selfish, but we need to be right? I don't know, who cares?

Television is really annoying. Unless I'm watching rap videos. But, it starts sucking again if the videos are on MTV and words like "wet," "trigger," "tipsy" (are you fucking kidding me? tipsy!?), and "trees" get blanked out. Also, the product censorship on MTV is irritating when it obscures t-shirt designs and makes the song "Vans" so bleeped out one would think it's the dirtiest, most obscene song ever. "Man, I'm from B-town and all my %^&* get like, Man, we be sportin *^£@% and we throw away *^$%£. If you wanna get right, stop buyin those *&@£%. Get some new **%$$ *&££$ and you'll bet you look icey." Like, what is this song about when you blank out the subject matter? Are they talking about coke? Hookers? Huh???
I guess this is why the internet is so great. Any music video you could ever imagine is on youtube. Uh-huh.

Which brings me to the internet. Isn't it so bizarre? I love it, but I get weirded out when I think about it too much. Information and access. Who is looking at my shit? Even if something is designated "private," it's still hackable. The idea of someone reading my e-mails bugs me out so bad. Another funny/weird/amazing/awful thing is the plethora of myspace refernces prevalent in non-internet culture. I watched several music videos in the past week which gave a nod to the myspace universe (adding/editing friends, looking at other people's profiles, sending messages). Just watch that Bow Wow/Chris Brown video "Shorty Like Mine" and also Pharrell's "That Girl." There are few others that I've seen for which I can't remember the exact artists, but it's so weirdo. Myspace is so huge.

Christmas. I just hate Christmas. People go so nuts over it, and go into debt in order to buy tons of bullshit. This is such a sophomoric and ranty attitude, I know, which is why I don't "protest" against Christmas and just let it happen around me, but I don't like the holiday so I don't celebrate. I will make you a card, probably, that says that you're my friend and I appreciate you, but I will not spend money on useless junk.

I think I had a dream that I ate meat last night. It was really gross. And then I smelled pork as I rode my bike up 11th street (Porky&Porkie). It smelled what I thought burning humans would smell like. I almost wretched. Eating pigs is like eating the family dog. But whatever, do what you want. I'm not going to say anything.

Who the fuck is this paging me at 5:46 in the morning, crack of dawnin, now I'm yawning
 
 
Eilla
25 September 2006 @ 04:58 pm
Eighty-six. That is the number of credits I have completed. I spoke with my academic adviser today and I will have to go through two more semesters before I can graduate. I don't really mind, but it was disappointing to hear. I definitely enjoy being in school, but I have some lame requirements to fulfill. For example, as an English major I need to take English 101. I have not taken this course yet, and I have a feeling it's just going to be the rudiments (how to write a paper, how to read a text analytically, reading criticism). I'm sure it will be easy, but it's annoying nonetheless. I also have to take two social science courses. Whatever...
Few kids graduate on time. I knew I wouldn't be able to, but another two semesters seem like a lot. On the bright side: this time next year I should be gearing up to graduate.
 
 
Eilla
26 July 2006 @ 06:01 pm
Sometimes, I feel like I'm only alive because I don't want to disappoint other people.
 
 
 
Eilla
22 July 2006 @ 10:59 pm
I have the tendency to become very overwhelmed by thinking about things. I'm not talking about big issues like war or world hunger, but very "ordinary" concepts like wearing clothes, living in a house, and human drives. I overthink these things until I convince myself how pointless everything is. I understand that I shouldn't do this to myself, it's absolute torture, but I can't help myself sometimes. It comes suddenly, in waves.
I started feeling very depressed this evening while dining with my family at an Italian restaurant in South Philly. Nothing really initiated it, and once it started I couldn't snap myself out of it.
People are like bugs. I am like a bug. I hate it.
Music is a great distraction. So is literature. I really love things sometimes. Like I said, it comes in waves. I don't think I'm crazy.
 
 
Current Music: Ludacris "Southern Fried Intro"
 
 
Eilla
21 July 2006 @ 03:53 am
4 am  
It's almost 4 AM and I am awakw. My sister snuck out and went gallavanting with some pals of hers this evening and then called me an hour ago to ask if I would go downstairs to meet her so she wouldn't get caught. I told her that I wouldn't because I thought it was annoying, but I'm still very awake and bothered by my sleep distruption.
In the bathroom I had to kill a very large beetle/roach/waterbug thing. It was totally disgusting. I had went into the bathroom to use the toilet and when I turned on the light something scuttled around on the floor. I saw this huge black thing moving around and, though it grossed me out, I grabbed a piece of paper and ended its life. This nasty yellow puss stuff oozed from its corpse and onto the bath mat. Nice. I'll have to be careful the next time I step inside there.
I'm thinking about eating a bowl of cereal right now, but it might be too early still. I am hungry, though. Blah.
 
 
Eilla
07 July 2006 @ 11:34 am
What a fantastic film. I rented Style Wars from TLA with Yianni the other day and I've watched it three times since. I don't think I'm going to start writing graffiti but I have always been fascinated by it.
A few weeks ago I turned my red hi-top Chuck Taylors into low-tops. They're sweet. I even stitched them up, Frankenstein style, so they wouldn't fall apart. Last night I tagged them with "Malthus." Sean wrote his tag, too. Excellent Cadaverz is finally taking shape. We're recording (for real) this Saturday and we hope to have a song on our myspace page right afterwards. I can't wait.
 
 
Eilla
11 June 2006 @ 07:20 pm
I LOVE BEING SINGLE!!!
 
 
Eilla
01 June 2006 @ 11:03 pm
Please leave me a comment on this post, but do it anonymously.

Tell me anything you want, anything at all.

Perhaps it's something you've been meaning to say to me, or perhaps you don't like my whining livejournal entries and you want to tell me off. It doesn't really matter. Post whatever.

Just leave a comment and tell me something.

PS-- I turned off the IP locater thing so this is really anonymous.